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Musings from Moyieboy ... |
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Welcome to the booby hatch |
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January 21, 2018 |
By Ken Carpenter
Rare is the week, and quite often the day, when
we don’t run into somebody who could be referred
to as a boob. Many poor souls, usually depending
on their occupation, can encounter a veritable
herd of them every day.
The word “booby” has been used to label a dummy
or a nincompoop since the early 16th century.
In 1675, Merriam Webster defined “bubby” as a
vulgar slang, but there was no further
description of it. Some think that “bubby”
evolved into “booby,” which was subsequently
shortened to “boob.”
It could have been used as a nickname for
“bubble-butt” for all I or anyone else knows, or
cares for that matter. It would also serve to
further confuse the issue of when boob actually
began to be used in any way.
It is said by some that boob originated from the
Spanish word “bobo,” used to describe a fool or
a dunce.
The first description of the word “booby” in the
Oxford English Dictionary came in 1791,
supporting the description of a lamebrain by
simply calling a booby “a stupid person.” It
also describes a clumsy looking seabird as a
booby.
That just adds more confusion on the “birth of a
boob.”
Booby gained a great deal of popularity in the
early 19th century by spawning terms like booby
prize, booby trap and booby hatch. People
especially liked using “booby hatch” as slang
for mental institutions, which shows little
compassion but a certain amount of humor. They
also enjoyed referring to police stations as
“booby hatches,” probably out of the hearing of
any constable.
The first instance of booby in reference to
breasts has been said to have made its debut in
the 1934 novel "Tropic of Cancer" by Henry
Miller.
“She was lying on the ground with her boobies in
her hands.”
Needless to say, that use of the term pushed
booby hatch into the far back corner.
Boobies hit the ground running and captured the
imaginations of America and the world. It was
less crass than tits and more exciting than
breasts, and while people had been ogling them
for centuries, they now made no bones about it.
French trappers named the Grand Teton Mountains
in Wyoming. It means “big boobs,” and makes me
seriously doubt the tale that boobies were first
used to describe boobs in 1934. French trappers
were active 100 years earlier. Of course, I
suppose it is possible that they knew some
cone-headed, idiot boobs, but somehow I doubt
it.
Now, back to the preferred type of boobs. It is
perfectly normal for one to be bigger than the
other, so if one is don’t duct tape it to make
it smaller. However, if one is double the size
of the other, that would qualify as a startling
situation and it would need to be addressed in
some manner.
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Chelsea Charms |
It is quite common for women to name their pair
of sidekicks. Chelsea Charms is the proud owner
of Itsy and Bitsy, her 164XXX cup breasts.
She
decided she wanted the biggest in the world so
had three operations and went from a D-Cup to the
point where each one weighs as much as two
watermelons. Hers are renowned as the biggest
artificial pair in the world and they sound
horrifically intimidating to me.
The largest natural pair in the world belong to
Annie Hawkins-Turner, who is better known as
Norma Stitz, for obvious reasons.
The 57-year
old fetish model from Atlanta, Georgia, has
earned millions from her 102ZZZ assets. They
weigh an amazing 65 pounds each and are over
four and a half feet long and are still growing.
Talk about intimidating.
She started developing
breasts at the age of five, and by the time she
turned nine they were a size 36D. She was
diagnosed with giantomastia, which involves the
lifelong growth of breast tissue.
At least she turned her affliction into a
fortune and could sneer at her childhood
nickname of “whale boob girl.” It is doubtful
that any of the rude boobs who called her that
have millions in the bank.
The German newspaper Bild came out with an
“atlas of cup sizes” map of the whole world.
Alas, they were beaten to it a year earlier by TargetMap.com, whose map is called “Average
Breast Cup Size in the World.”
The women of
Russia, Finland, Sweden and Norway were dubbed
the big winners, boasting “larger than a D-cup”
bra sizes.
American women should not feel too inferior for
they have mostly D-cup sizes, along with
Venezuela and Columbia. Africa, and Asia were
touted as having the smallest chests, with
Southeast Asia the absolute smallest.
I served
In Vietnam and Japan in the mid-seventies so I
can personally attest to the truth of that. I
inspected them closely, but purely in the
interest of investigative research.
It makes me wonder if any rich boob has taken a
trip around the world to verify all of this very
unofficial information, perhaps to see if breast
implants count or if only au naturel were deemed
worthy. I suppose it would never occur to him
that the map information was probably taken from
bra manufacturers.
No info was found about how
many of these knocker maps were sold.
Mark Antony, Cleopatra’s lover in 30 BC,
committed suicide when he lost the Battle of
Actium to Octavian’s army. According to popular
belief, his girlfriend Cleopatra was so
distraught that she then followed suit by
letting a poisonous asp chomp into her breast.
There is probably no truth to the rumor that men
lined up for blocks offering to suck the poison
out.
In 1998 a pornographic actress and stripper
named Tawny Peaks won a court case against a
Florida physical therapist who had sued her. The
boob claimed that he suffered from whiplash
because she swung her 60HHH jugs into his face.
Some guys just don’t know when they have been
blessed.
I will now finish up by listing various things,
some astounding, which have been discovered in
ladies knocker cracks. The owners of the stuffed
cleavages revealed what they found on the
Internet, and they seem to make sense because
boob fissures can be very magnetic.
A toy racecar, chewed gum, cooked bacon, a dead ant, a Christmas
light, a tree branch, a cell phone, a guitar
pick after a Slash concert, a valuable lost
earring, $800 cash (Twice!), a bottle cap, a
dryer sheet, a dead spider, a dental retainer,
Dorito crumbs and a piece of pizza, a live
caterpillar, a popsicle stick, drugs, a pack of
Kit Kats, eight dead bugs, a piece of a window blind,
a bottle opener and for the Coup de Gras, roast
beef, ham, cracker crumbs and Gouda cheese, all
in one cleavage!
Well, I must say, this has been fun for me, but
I’m sure some readers will not agree. For some
reason I think most of them will be the proud
owners of cleavage.
I am not talking about plumber’s butt crack
cleavage, either. |
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