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Before every Halloween, the
media is filled with articles and advice on
safety; wear bright clothing, travel in groups,
check your candy before you eat it, and on and
on.
But no respectable media, to my knowledge, has ever offered the
tips that truly matter to most of us, until now.
Please read them carefully,
and memorize them, if possible, before you go
out into the darkness on Halloween. Better yet,
don't let your children out until they, too,
have them memorized and taken them to heart.
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When it appears that you have "killed" the
monster, never ever check to see if it is
really dead.
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Do not search the basement, especially if
the power has gone out.
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If you're searching for something that
caused a noise and find out it's just the
cat, leave the area immediately if you value
your life.
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If you find a town that looks deserted, it's
probably for a reason. Take the hint and
stay away.
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If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior, such as hissing,
developing a sudden fascination for blood,
glowing eyes, increasing hairiness and so
on, get away from them as fast as possible.
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If your car runs out of gas at night, do not
go to the nearby deserted-looking house to
phone for help.
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As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that
open portals to Hell.
 It’s
the hope of this respectable journal that these
seldom thought of and rarely enunciated tips
will ensure that you and yours enjoy a safe and
enjoyable All Hallow’s Eve, a time when the
door to the netherworld is opened just enough
for the souls of the dead and other beings such
as fairies, ghouls, goblins and zombies, to come
into our world and mingle briefly with the
living.
That’s not to say you
shouldn’t also observe the safety tips more
mundane in nature; they’re important, too.
Members of Boundary
Volunteer Ambulance and North Bench Fire are
teaming up on Halloween night to pass out free
glow sticks to help the little monsters be
better seen, along with candy and loads of
treats, plus some sage advice to avoid the
tricks that could await the unwary.
When you go out trick or
treating tomorrow night, you and your whole
family are invited to make one of your first
stops the lot behind the Boundary County
Extension Office, where members of Boundary
Volunteer Ambulance and North Bench Fire are
going to be set up.
EMTs and firefighters will
be out from 4:30 to 8:30 p.m.,
but it’s not likely they’ll be telling you
anything about the tips above.
And if any of them suddenly
begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior, such
as hissing, developing a sudden fascination for
blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness and so
on, get away from them as fast as possible!
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