 |
“Oh, what did you do in Chicago?” the first man asked.
The second man puffed up with pride and replied, “I was a tail-gunner on a bread truck.”
You may ask why I have a grudge against Chicago when I have never been there and have never even been bad mouthed by a Chicago native (that I know of).
I must admit that my problem with Chicago is fairly recent but seems to be escalating. It comes down to this; there are now four TV series with Chicago in the title. Chicago Fire, Chicago Justice, Chicago Med and Chicago P.D. are all on major networks.
It seems totally ridiculous to me, and while I should maybe not have let it become a pain in my rump, it is and I can’t do anything about it.
That does not mean that I hold anything against the folks who watch any of these shows. However, if you watch all four of them, please move to Chicago. You are being brainwashed and might soon be a threat to those around you.
After all, Chicago has more murders per year than New York and Los Angeles combined, and Al Capone might still be their most famous citizen.
I don’t care what city it is, if any single metropolis had four TV shows with its name in the title, it would piss me off. What is the world coming to and what is next? I suppose there will soon be four Los Angeles reality shows, which are another thing I can’t stand because there is nothing real about them.
LA Yuppies, LA Strippers (OK, I might check that one out, but purely for research purposes and only once. Cross my heart.), LA Snobs and LA Traffic come to mind.
Having had my say, or part of it anyway, I suppose I should be fair and point out a few things Chicago did before anybody else.
From a food angle they introduced a dizzying array of items that satisfy but can’t be confused with staples. The 1893 World’s Fair brought Cracker Jacks (said by many historians to be the world’s first junk food -- Yay!), Chocolate Brownies, Cream of Wheat, Shredded Wheat, Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix and Juicy Fruit Gum to the forefront of American food products.
Hamburgers and hot dogs were both said to be served there for the first time on buns, and I have to admit they are a staple if anything is. Twinkies(1930) and Deep Dish Pizza (1943) were two other notable and tasty foods brought to the world by Chicago.
Getting back to the World’s Fair, it was famous for unveiling the world’s first Ferris Wheel, which had a 250 foot diameter and sported sixty 24-foot by 13-foot cars that held 2,160 passengers. It took nine minutes to make one revolution, a slow pace that probably helped to squelch terrified squeals.
It also brought in almost $400,000 and saved the fair from losing money.
The first electric dishwasher also made its appearance at the World’s Fair, but no mention is made of how clean it actually got the dishes. Regardless, it became very popular.
The world’s first vacuum cleaner was born in Chicago in 1869. It doesn’t sound very practical to me though, for you had to turn a hand crank with one hand while pushing it with the other. Handling a broom sounds preferable to me.
Playboy magazine started in Chicago in 1953, and the first issue had Marilyn Monroe on the cover. It sold 50,000 copies and males everywhere entered a new, skin-tinted world.
OK, I think I have been very fair in showing some good things Chicago gave the world. That does nothing to dampen my disgust with the entertainment industry for cramming four Chicago themed TV series down our throats.
It is gagging me like a ping-pong ball lodged in the airway.
I also don’t like the fact that Chicago is very unfair to animals.
They blamed an innocent cow for starting the Great Chicago Fire in 1871 and they faulted a blameless goat for putting a 108-year championship curse on the Chicago Cubs. How low can you go?
To pay them back, I have a couple more Chicago jokes to share.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Chicago? A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Seattle to Chicago? A: Both cities become smarter.
Well, I think maybe I went too far with the last one. I shouldn’t insult blondes like that.
As for Chicago, well, if they cancel at least three of their four shows I may give them a break. Don’t count on it too much though, they are still biased against defenseless animals and I like my animals.