A New Year for a New Resolution

January 2, 2011

Ah, the new year is here and now is the time in which many people choose to make a new year's resolution. Whether it be to lose a few unwanted pounds, eat healthier, make more time for our spouse and children, or even find better ways to earn extra money, personal resolutions create that extra little reminder of why it's important to honor what we need in order to keep a healthy balance in our lives. Sometimes making a resolution can be a bit intimidating because we look back on past promises we didn't fulfill but this year can be completely different than that. This year instead of making a resolution out of guilt or pressure that could trap us in a counterproductive or pessimistic attitude, let's make a resolution that will empower us with strength and clarity. Personal empowerment paves a pathway to freedom and in that freedom, we can explore the best parts of ourselves in ways that can unleash hidden potentials, regardless of our age or level of experience. Everything in our lives has built up to this moment in which we are being asked to strip away the false layers of self that no longer serve a purpose for growth. Let's face it, the old way just isn't working anymore so instead of repeating cycles that just seem to spin us in circles, it's time to change the way we go about life. No more monotonous routines that bore us and bring us to feel trapped in a mundane world of mediocre activities. No more excuses or telling ourselves "no" to that spontaneous trip, drive through the mountains, or an extra hour a day for exercise. Sometimes, the housework can wait. Sometimes, worrying about bills and how things are going to get paid can just wait. Those are things that can trap us and cage us if we're not careful. And the more we say "no" to something we actually need, the lesser quality of life we are allowing ourselves. We are, after all, our own dictator. We either give ourselves a key to freedom or we keep ourselves jailed. Either way, fear should not control the decisions you make. I see my mother as an example. She waited her entire life until she was in her 50s to find the man of her dreams, only to learn very quickly into the relationship that her husband was very ill. After the diabetes, heart attacks, dialysis and now cancer that is spreading everywhere throughout his body, she has reached only one regret; they didn't make enough memories while they still could. Life isn't about being controlled by bills, responsibilities and routine obligations. It's about grabbing hold of opportunities and saying "yes" to things that bring joy and happiness because after all, life ends much too soon and not everyone gets to enjoy growing old with someone. Not everybody gets to experience the woes of balding, facial wrinkles, grandchildren or retirement. Some people don't live long enough to graduate from high school or make it to puberty. And the old saying is true, it's not about the quantity of days in a life, it's about the quality of the life lived. Making memories; that is my mother's resolution while she and her husband are still able to do that on this earth. So instead of saying "no" and giving an excuse as to why, it's time to actually say "yes." Saying "yes" doesn't have to cost a single dime either. Maybe it's reading that book you have put off for two years or taking your video camera and experimenting by making a funny video. What about that cook book you've always wanted to write but said "no" to yourself because it was intimidating? Or what about those singing lessons you wanted to take but never did? Trying new things brings us to make new memories and those are the building blocks to the quality of life. So what, not all things turn out great. Sometimes it's the mistakes and silly moments that become the most memorable. Saying that I remember the bricks I pulled out of the oven that were supposed to be Cinnamon rolls when I was experimenting with baking something new. When we try new things and make new memories we are creating a stronger sense of self and although the feedback from others does matter, it's not always required to say "yes" to something new. We are expanding our identity and reaching beyond what we pigeon holed ourselves to be. Are you just your job or yearly income? Are you just your hair color or height? You are so much more than that and you are so much more than you were yesterday. When we honor what we know we need to have a better quality of life, it can also inadvertently threaten the relationships we have with others, especially if they are codependent. Sometimes we are more the caregiver than the spouse, or more the parent than the spouse. Sometimes we rely on others for our enjoyment and sense of safety, especially if we are more of an introvert. On the other hand, watching our significant other spread their wings can create resentments because we are seeing the one we love find others things outside of ourselves they enjoy making time for. Enough of all that stuff. This year we can find a way to make a resolution that teaches us exploration is a good thing. Whether it's finding a new hobby or just making time for that hobby we continually ignore, tending to the inner self and the needs of the inner self are essential to building a quality of life that replaces unhealthy cycles. We as human beings are creatures of habit because we find safety and comfort through predictable experiences. But there is a fine line to that which we often cross and don't realize it. Patterns can be good. Routine can be good too. But too much of a good thing creates boredom and complacency. Those are the things which lead to destructive distractions or a sense of loneliness, defeat and low self esteem. So when you make your resolution this year, remember, if you don't reach for the stars, you'll never know that you actually could grab hold of one. So get out there! Make those memories and explore what life has to offer so that you too can blaze a path to a better tomorrow.

© Debbie Edwards